Found Only In Fiction: Exhale

Breathing is an involuntary function. We're not usually aware of it. But sometimes, when we're lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, doing yoga, or recovering after a strenuous activity, it becomes the focus of attention. Do you ever think: "Wow, I'm exhaling pretty hard?" I'm betting you don't.

When I'm reading, the word "exhale" always strikes me as medical, drawing attention to itself. Sometimes the phrase "breathed out" is used instead. Or characters "let out a long breath". In some stories, characters talk or think to themselves, "breathe" or "deep breath" in stressful situations. Any of these alternatives work better for me (though my panel of kid readers mentioned that the last one especially bugs them). My best solution is to try not to refer to breathing at all, unless absolutely necessary.

Found Only in Fiction: Phrases Girls Hate

I recently asked a few of the teen and preteen girls that hang around my house about what words and phrases bug them when they’re reading books. I was surprised at how opinionated they were on the subject. But then, these girls are all avid readers (and bear in mind it was a small sample of less than 5). Here are some phrases they found irritating:

Phrases like “She blinked and then….”

The word “breathe” in the middle of a character’s inner thoughts.

Writing the sound of people laughing, e.g. “Ha! Ha! Ha!” said Thomas, instead of “Thomas laughed.”

The word “pierced” when used as a sound, because it makes them think of physical stabbing and not a sound.

“Cringe” and “scowl”.

“Flowery”. One girl said, “What does it mean, anyway? It reminds me of showery.”

Found Only in Fiction: Mental Notes

These are so overdone. Do you actually walk around in real life thinking, I must make a mental note about that? Okay, maybe you do. But when book characters do it, it's just annoying. Can't they just think whatever it is without conjuring up an image of a tiny person inside their brain with a paper and pencil?

Mental kicks and punches are even worse. What part of the brain is getting punched? Are there hands and feet inside there?

This is so common it's hard to pick up a novel without finding a mental note inside it. Please don't do it, I'm begging you. Your character might get hurt.

Found Only In Fiction: Grimace

According to the Oxford Canadian Dictionary, a grimace is “a distortion of the face made in disgust or to amuse”. It’s a legitimate physical reaction. But after hours of reading, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s rarely effective when book characters do it.

Almost every time I see this word, it draws my attention. I’m no longer thinking about the character, I’m trying to visualize a grimace. When I meet a word like this, I think: Do you use this word in everyday life? If not, maybe it doesn’t belong in your novel.

Suggestion:  Use only on rare occasions, if at all.